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Communicating with loved-ones about depression

10th April 2019

The response of your loved-ones to your depression may sometimes reflect a seeming lack of understanding to the nature of this mental health condition, and as such cause further emotional pain and anguish to your suffering. It is important to realise that their comments in respect of this are intended to show support and often reflect their need to help you; perhaps you can be forgiving of any efforts made with this aim which seem not to achieve it. In my experience, partners or a parent, enquiring about counselling for their loved-one are acting in kindness and their efforts to open an honest conversation can lead to acceptance for the need of help. Lets bust some myths about depression: Depression is not a choice. It is not an attitude toward life. Depression is not caused by laziness. Its not just a bad mood that you can snap out of. Your life need not be in a bad way, you may have many positives but still be depressed. Feeling low and being depressed are not the same thing. Depression is a medical condition which is characterised by the persistence of certain symptoms for weeks, months or years. These include, sadness, tiredness, poor concentration, feeling unhappy, irritability and anger, loss of interest in pleasurable activities, irregular sleep pattern, having no energy, anxiety and tendency to isolate. Recovery from depression is possible with the right help. It is easy to overestimate the capabilities of somebody who is depressed. If you are depressed, I encourage you to define the ways you are able to help yourself and ask your loved-ones to recognise and celebrate these with you; this will give them a sense of perspective in understanding the big significance of your small steps. Perhaps you can learn to communicate your needs to those that care about you so they can start to support you effectively. Here are some examples of what you might say: I need you to read up on depression and know that it affects people in different ways; I need you to listen and truly hear me; I need you to be patient with me and not expect too much; I need you to make allowances for how Im feeling right now; I need you to stop saying things like youre over-reacting or things could be worse because this just minimises how Im feeling and can lead me to blame myself and feel a burden; I need you to ask me how I am and give me time to speak; I dont necessarily need you to understand completely but I need to know that you care; I need you to know that none of this is personal and the way I feel about you has not changed. Other people cant see the constant stream of negative thoughts coming and going from your mind and neither do they realise the heaviness in your body its no wonder that you are tired all of the time. Its really difficult when you feel that its your responsibility to continue in your work or with family commitments, but trying to be strong will just set you up to crash and burn. Acceptance of your depression will enable you to be kind to yourself in as much that you seek help and slow down. Its important to make time for counselling or other interventions that support your recovery.

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